Some “Conservatives”!

Some “conservatives!”

Thus I begin where Wild Bill ended his last post, which pointed out the flaws in a “conservative” site’s Latin.

Like Tristram Shandy’s Uncle Toby, I have a hobby horse, and in general it concerns the lock on American politics that two parties, which don’t differ greatly, have; it particular, it concerns the impoverishment of the term, “conservative,” to describe GOPers.

Let us, let me, dispatch the Dems quickly: They are about as Left Wing as Dwight Eisenhower. You could look it up, as Casey Stengel used to say. And even as politicians, they appear to be inept, let alone as leaders or “representatives.” True, George W. Bush’s hacks stole two elections, but Gore and Kerry made them easy to steal. Along comes Obama, who–wait for it–knew how to keep an election not-close, and now “progressive” belly-achers are all over him. Truly, I think Dems love losers, as San Diego and Seattle sports fans seem to do.

Enough of the Dems. They bore me. The “conservatives.” What do they conserve? Not, as Wild Bill point out, traditional learning–or any learning at all. They have made stupid a virtue. “Values”? Please. The Constitution? Hah! They championed the “Patriot” Act–warrantless wire-taps and all that. Indefinite imprisonment. Torture. “The free market”? Yeah, right. They let the markets go rogue until the markets collapse under the weight of greed cubed, and then they beat up the middle class for lunch-money to make up for the mistakes. Separation of church and state? Uh, no. They want to weld them together, as long as the church is protestant and reactionary, that is. About all conservatives seem to want to conserve is racism in many forms: the “birther” excrement, the Southern strategy, and so on. They seem to want to conserve the old parlor trick of goading white working-class folk to regard working-class folk of color as their victimizers. They seem to want to conserve the military-industrial complex against which Eisenhower warned us. They seem to want to conserve secrecy and unchecked governmental powers while auctioning off civil liberties. They seem to want to conserve the Caligula-like, grotesque carnival of unregulated energy companies: grossly unsafe coal mines, nihilistic oil corporations, the lovely, relatively new practice of “fracking,” and so on.

Do they want to conserve “life”? Apparently not enough to keep from sprinting recklessly into war, from wrecking programs for people who are starving, from supporting the Death Penalty (hint: a Death Penalty is not pro-life), or from reaching common ground with the likes of Planned Parenthood to (wait for it) prevent pregnancies. No pregnancy, no abortion: are we clear? No, they’d rather have abortion around to rally people to their non-conservative flag, suckering people into the Big Tent one more time.

The Democratic Party should be re-named the Washington Generals–the stiffs paid to lose to the Harlem Globetrotters.

The Republican Party should be renamed the Profligate Party–reckless and dissolute to its core.


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